I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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