You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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