i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
