are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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