I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Such a big mess for such a small penis
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
