Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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