Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
