Me. At least after what I've been through.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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