I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
