Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
id be glad to
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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