so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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