I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
