well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize