Apparently you make a good broom.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Randomize
