Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
