I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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