wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
