Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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