he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
