I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
