Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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