So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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