Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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