I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Is this like a preordered booty call?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
