Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
