If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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