Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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