just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
