My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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