First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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