I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
