Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
This is the prime rib incident all over again
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
