I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
