her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
