Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
