I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
be right there i have to get my cape
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
