Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize