I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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