You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize