last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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