What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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