Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
if only i could text you this smell
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
