I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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