I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
