I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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