i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
