I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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