i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
