I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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