and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
