i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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