If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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