we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
