I can text with my tongue
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
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