Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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