Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
