I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
