Just fell off a train. Bad.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
operation harelip BJ is a go
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
All the doctor said was why
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
