So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
