It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
4 words: hood of his car
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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