My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
