Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
