Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
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