Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
