# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I wish they made helmets for livers.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize