Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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