We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
