I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
this beer tastes like vomit already
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
