Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
