You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
