why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
