did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
