For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
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