I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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