I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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