Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
