It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
