"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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