meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
