Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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