my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize