I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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