I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
