Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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