I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize